The Good Girl mindset trap at work: why seeing the world in black and white is holding your career back

The Good Girl Mindset

I’ve always been a good girl, or rather, trying to be one. What I didn't realise for a long time was that I'd built an entire career around what's sometimes called the Good Girl mindset: performing, pleasing, proving. Unsure whether or not I really succeeded. Sometimes feeling like a fraud when I was seen as one but didn’t feel like one inside.

The little girl that I was grew into a strong woman with a career. But that feeling, trying to be a good girl, sometimes feeling like a fraud when I am seen as one but don’t feel like one inside, remains. If you recognise that feeling, this is for you.

For a long time, it used to be my dirty little secret. I wanted to be good, but was I really? People saw me as a strong performer, but was I really?

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From reliable to respected, Breaking free of the Good job trap

Then all my fears got confirmed, when I started to get to more senior positions, and being a strong performer, a reliable doer, started to work against me, not for me. I instantly took it as proof that I indeed wasn’t good enough.

I would have strongly argued against that perspective at the time, but I had a very naive vision of the world. Things were black and white, good or bad. There was a way the world should be, things should work out. Integrity, fairness. Those were important things. And they are. Still are.

But what I failed to take into account is that the world doesn’t care about those rules. I was living by a vision of what the world should be rather than what the world actually is. Of what I should be rather that what I actually am. 

That didn’t leave much space for grey areas.

But the world IS grey.

Grey isn’t pessimistic. It might be the most honest thing there is.

There is a part of me, as I write these words that wants to rebel: seeing the world as grey sounds pessimistic. And I think there’s a reframe to reflect on there.

Grey isn’t bad.

What if grey could be beautiful too?

I recently took to colouring, and I bought a box of beautiful brush pens, and some of the greys are stunning. Silver is grey. White gold actually is grey. Clouds can be terrifying, but they can also be stunning and majestic. What is a picture of the sky when there are no clouds in it?

Grey is life too.

It’s there. And we have to work with it.

Rejecting the idea of grey, is missing out.

Rejecting the idea of grey is, essentially, rejecting the idea of the world.

Why this matters for your career

Rejecting the grey means that you exhaust yourself in pointless battles. Like Don Quixote, you see giant enemies where windmills stand.

Rejecting the grey means you’re missing out on the nuances of what is going on around you. This might lead to misread entire situations, and base your decisions on biased and incomplete information.

Rejecting the grey means you’re struggling to see “good enough” as, not just enough, but also good. It’s not just acceptable. It works out. It has good in it. And maybe even more “indirect” good.

All of this means that it’s harder to see the bigger picture, it’s harder to take risks, it’s harder to lead people.

It’s harder to feel good about what you do.

It’s harder to belong in an environment.

It’s harder to be yourself.

You are stronger than you think.

And you have more choices than you see.

A lot of the challenges that we face at work are linked to outside circumstances. Things are tough. We don’t get all the choices we wish we could have.

And a lot of the challenges that we face at work are linked to what’s going on inside of ourselves. We are strong. And we have more choices that we think we have.

We can make our experience better than what it is by facing those challenges instead of fighting windmills.

So what if you and I, we met and talked a little bit about stepping your toes into those layers of grey that feel uncomfortable?

I think we would find beauty in that grey, and the world would look better for it.

If you want to start exploring those grey layers, in your career, in the way you lead, in how you see yourself at work, I'm running a free masterclass that begins exactly there: From Reliable to Respected: Breaking Free of the Good Job Trap

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 About the author

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Cecile Hemery is a leadership and career coach, hypnotherapist, supervisor, trainer, and speaker who helps thoughtful professionals reclaim their confidence and impact, without pretending to be someone they’re not.

With 15 years’ experience in product and marketing in the Tech and Gaming industry, Cecile combines coaching, psychoanalysis, hypnotherapy, and mindfulness with a deep understanding of workplace dynamics in fast-paced, data-driven environments. She supports clients as they navigate the curveballs of career progression, leadership challenges, and life transitions - bringing clarity, confidence, and calm. Her approach blends practical structure, emotional insight, and gentle challenge - always delivered with empathy and the occasional dash of humour.

As a values-driven woman who has led teams and major projects, Cecile knows how disorienting it can feel to lose your footing, especially when you’re the one others rely on. She helps her clients find their centre again, so they can lead with integrity, connect meaningfully, and make a difference on their own terms.

Her mission is simple: to help human-centred leaders show up with authenticity and have impact in their careers, and in their lives.

Interested about working with Cecile? Learn more about her coaching and training services and find out about the Becoming Programme.